Derailed
by A Robbed Heart
Summary: Ah, the powers of alcohol. Sasuke, and the whole of Team Seven had gotten wasted, but when a forced marriage was born out of the drunken experience, how will Hinata and Sasuke survive? R
1. Let the fun begin!

**OMFG my first fanfic**.

Derailed –Ch. 1

It was another normal day in Konoha.

Scratch that.

It was the most paranormal day in Konoha's history. Uchiha Sasuke was showing emotion.

I know what you're thinking.

"What

The

Hell?"

Next thing you know, Tsunade will stop drinking her "Special" water, or…… Gasp!

_Kakashi will stop reading dirty novels!_

Wait! That will never happen!

Anyway, continuing onward!

Sasuke dashed through the busy streets of Konoha. Normal, right?

Except for the simple fact that he was clumsier than Naruto, which, by itself, was a good reason to prepare for hell freezing over.

Oh, but dear reader, there's more.

Sasuke was sweating.

Sasuke was frowning.

Sasuke's eyes were puffy from tears.

And the worst of all, He was wearing a neon green shirt.

The shirt just so happened to read, "Shy, but sexy."

Once again,

What

The

Hell?

Oh, yes. Did I mention the blindingly orange pants that would put Naruto's outfit to shame and potentially kill itself?

Now I did.

All of them on Uchiha the Sasuke were definitely a head turner. In fact, no one on the streets moved, just stared. Even Sasuke's **cough** Stalkers **cough** I mean Fan Club were frozen, their squeals caught in their throats, dumbstruck. Everyone wanted to know how the heck Sasuke actually wore that outfit and emotions and why.

It goes a little something like this:

-----------------------------------3 weeks ago-------------------------------------------

Sasuke was walking back from a harsh day of training with Naruto. Yes, Sasuke had returned due to Naruto's persuasion, and, (In an epic battle spanning WAY too many episodes) Successfully defeated his elder brother, Itachi. Since there was nothing left to do with his life, so back to Konoha he went. Yes, he was considered a traitor, and went through a helluva interrogation by Ibiki or whatever, but as time passed, his fan club had grown to a disgustingly large size. (There were more fangirls than students in Konoha's Ninja Academy, yeah, that many.)

Sakura, surprisingly, had moved on to Sasuke's replacement, Sai, claiming something about "Huge Penises".

Whatever.

Naruto was his friend again; Kakashi his teacher, and Iruka still that annoyingly patient teacher, or, better know as the (insert Sasuke blanche here) adorable half of _KakaIru_.

Psh. Whatever. People's sexuality didn't matter to him.

Until that day.

As previously stated, Sasuke had trained with Naruto, and that particular day had been Hell. Naruto had somehow gotten the upper hand and was able to create a large gash along Sasuke's right shoulder. Ouch.

Not only that, but Naruto attempted to sing to cheer Sasuke up.

Now Sasuke had a bloody shoulder and a massive headache. There was only one thing that could cure that particular illness.

Alcohol,

And lots of it.

This, my friends, is why Sasuke allowed Naruto to drag him to Ichiraku Ramen, because sake was mentioned.

'Damn that dobe and his ramen.' Sasuke muttered to himself as he sat down on the barstool.

That was three hours ago, and during that period, Sakura, Sai, and Kakashi joined in on the alcohol-related festivities.

"It'll be a team thing." Naruto stated when Sasuke drunkenly questioned why the three other ninja's were joining them.

"You'll be with your teammates, think of it as bonding." Naruto defended.

Bonding with teammates you hate. Oh joy.

Unfortunately, the only word to describe the entire group of Team Seven was:

Splooshed.

One…Two…Three…. Four…Five. Five! Five bottles of sake were drunk between the five of them.

(For all you stupid people, that's one bottle of hard liquor per person.)

Unfortunately for Team Seven, they, unlike Tsunade, couldn't hold their alcohol.

Oh yes, rumors were spilled.

"Saaassssuuuukkkeeee!" Naruto drawled, while attempting to eat ramen through his nose.

"Whut?" Sasuke burped, downing a shot of sake.

"You're GAAAYYY" Naruto sang happily.

In a fit of sobrerity, Sasuke attempted to retort, "I am not!"

Unfortunately, a loud-ass bitch with chewed-bubblegum-pink hair and an abnormally large forehead was able to respond faster.

"Well DUH!" Sakura screamed, and then proceeded to hit Naruto on the head with her fist. Promptly knocking him unconscious.

"Cha!" Sakura stated proudly, before she proceeded to make out with Sai.

Ah, but what of our lovely Hero, how well did he react to Sakura's comment?

Not well at all.

Sasuke spazzed out, to say the least.

"Imma not gay!" Sasuke slurred, attempting to point his wobbly finger at Sakura.

"Sure you're not." Sakura replied. She was currently doing… 'favors' for Sai.

"It is quite obvious Sasuke, it has been since the beginning." Kakashi stated in a matter-of-fact-ly way.

He then proceeded to lick his Icha-Icha Paradise novel. Yummy.

"I am NOT GAY!" Sasuke protested.

Oh yes, he was getting sober and pissed. Not a good combination.

Naruto snapped back into consciousness, and with a foxy grin said, "It's okay Sas-gay, I know it is difficult for you to come out of the closet, but Neji and Gaara did it, and look at them!" Naruto gestured to Neji and Gaara, who were making out on the bar.

"Besides Teme, I know you changed once you kissed me, and-"

Naruto was promptly cut off by Sakura, who had…uh…'finished' her job with Sai.

"Yeah, that's the reason why you would never go out with me!"

Sasuke then proceeded to twitch.

Furiously.

Kakashi added in on the fun, once again, "And your obsession with male rivals…"

"Don't forget your strange attachment to Naruto's small penis!" Sai added in.

That

Was

It!

Sasuke exploded.

"I am NOT fucking GAY! The only reason I kissed Naruto was because _he_ was _pushed_ into _me_. I did NOT enjoy it.

I have no female rivals because none have challenged me.

I wouldn't go out with Sakura because she was a bitchy stalker!"

Sakura got offended at the last part, but seriously, who cares?

"AND YOU!" Sasuke pointed at Sai with an accusing finger, "YOU.ARE.THE.ONE.OBSESSED.WITH.PENISES!" he hissed.

"Mmm hmmmm" They all replied, not really listening.

"THAT DOES IT!" Sasuke screeched. He was going to prove he was straight.

Sasuke grabbed the nearest girl, and crushed his lips against hers. She was, at first, frozen from surprise, but then soon relaxed and melted into his kiss. Surprisingly, he liked it. Her lips her soft, and she tasted of vanilla. Sasuke liked it so much he held the kiss for much too long.

When they finally broke off, Sasuke turned to his friends and smirked. _'Whose gay now?'_ he thought.

They were gaping, but not at Sasuke, but to the girl he kissed. Sasuke slowly turned.

Hinata Hyuuga had fainted from shock.

'_Oh shit.'_

-End of Chapter one-

**Hehehe… my first fanfic.. EVER.**

**Show me some love or hate, just REVIEW.**

**Xoxoxoxo**

**-Hope**


	2. One and a Half: A Rude Awakening

Derailed- Ch. 2.5

**I'm only typing half of the chapter due to lack of reviews. For each person who **

**reads… REVIEW. Even if it just a, "this sucks" or, "great!" (Hopefully the latter.)**

**This first half is in Hinata's POV, its slight AU.**

**IM ALSO LOOKING FOR A BETA. My grammar is… lacking to say the least. (SEE?)**

**Anywayz….**

Blink. Blink.

Scratch. Scratch.

Hinata rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

'_What an odd dream.'_ She thought to herself. _'I dreamt Sasuke kissed me!'_

Hinata chuckled lightly to at the thought. Like Sasuke would ever kiss her. Besides, Naruto is her soul mate. They only reason she ever went to Ichiraku's was to see Naruto.

Last night was just the same as always. Naruto was loud and boisterous, while Hinata quietly watched him from the corner of the ramen, unnoticed by all. Just like any other day, _ 'But…'_ After a while, things got crazy. Sakura hit Naruto, and while Hinata was distracted, Sasuke grabbed her and kissed her passionately!

'_It must have been that shot of sake I had.'_ Hinata reasoned with herself.

It was well known in the village of Konoha that the people of Hyuuga clan were famous for their sissiness with alcohol. One shot and they were buzzed, and Hinata was no exception.

Hinata laughed quietly to herself and pulled her body over the side of the unusually hard bed. She groaned. Her muscles were ached, and she felt a slight headache. Definitely the early signs of a hangover.

Hinata flopped off the bed with a small, "oof" and onto the soft… hardwood floor? Her room definitely didn't have hardwood floors!

Meh, whatever. Father probably changed her clean, white rug to hardwood floors as a punishment for being weak or something.

Who gives a shit anymore?

All Hinata cared about was getting the hangover pills into her system before the drills turned on.

**Why, you ask, that Hinata has hangover pills and you don't?  
Simple. Hinata was a medical kunochi. Now, who do medical kunochi's in Konoha work under?  
**

**Tsunade?  
**

**Good!**

**Now what do we know about Tsunade?)**

**Continuing onward….**

Hinata scratched her stomach and shuffled over to the bathroom, eyes closed, still semi-asleep.

**BAM**

She had walked right into a wall.

Rubbing her, poor, now aching head, she muttered, _'Smart move, Hinata.'_ And proceeded onward to the bathroom.

Wherever the hell that was.

**(Remember children, the events of this story happened because of alcohol. Hell, everything happens because of alcohol. Disagree? Post a review!)**

Hinata stumbled around a room that was obviously not hers until she found the bathroom.

"Sanctuary" she moaned. The slight headache had morphed into a hellish migraine, and the pills would do just the trick.

Hinata quickly opened the door, and ran right into:

Uchiha Sasuke, brushing his teeth, stark naked, except for a towel wrapped around his waist.

Hinata's eyes widened, as she frantically searched for a sign of her bathroom, her room, her HOME, all the while, her arms were waving every which way.

Unfortunately her erratic movements hit Sasuke's towel in just the right fashion to loosen it enough to come off.

"PLOP" Went the towel.

"PLOINK" Went Hinata's blushing head on the tile floor.

"SMACK" Went Sasuke's hand on his head.

'_Here we go again'_

Hinata gasped as she shot upward. The headache long forgotten, she shook her head violently and looked around. The walls were dark blue, with black curtains covering the small windows. The room was messy with clothes that were strewn across the room everywhere, and had a musky, manly scent.

Definitely NOT hers.

Hinata threw the heavy, blue comforter off her body, and said to herself, "Where am I?"

Realizing that super-strong enemy-nin, who slipped sedatives into sake that made her hallucinate, could have attacked her then brought her back to their village.

Yeah. That was it.

Hinata, completely forgetting the BYAKUGAN, realized that she needed to be extra-super-sneaky to avoid getting caught trying to escape from enemy territory. On tiptoes, she attempted to flee from the strange place. Fortunately, there wasn't anyone in the halls, or any of the rooms, for that matter.

In fact, Hinata wandered through the halls, and she didn't see a living soul.

Yet….

Hinata felt that she saw the ghosts, once living, fluttering through the desolate halls. Hinata was quite empathetic, and while walking, felt the pain of betrayal and smelt despair and fear.

Great tragedy had struck this place, and it gave her the willies.

Time passed, and all Hinata had seen were old furniture, covered in years worth of dust, and bleached spots of floors, that smelt of old blood. No one had lived here in years. This place was completely abandoned.

She held that belief for… about three minutes, until she heard the clinking of pots and pans.

Hinata sprinted toward the sound, completely forgetting the fact that she had been "drugged and kidnapped". She was much too happy to hear the sounds of living humans.

Hinata ran strait into a kitchen, and to a smiling Sasuke, wearing a bright pink apron that read, "Real men love cooking!"

Which he was.

The smell of pancakes and bacon hung in the air, and the sound of sausages being fried could be heard, but no one spoke. Hinata was too dazed by the OOC sight to do anything, and Sasuke just smirked.

It seemed like an hour had passed until Sasuke said, "Good morning Hime, how did you sleep?" 

Hinata didn't reply, the only thing going through her mind was, _'What the fuck happened last night?'_

-End of chapter 2.5-

**Me: Ah! Half-chapter cliffy!**

**Gaara: Tsk Tsk Tsk. How many grammatical errors WERE THERE.**

**Me: Lots. I need a beta badly. And reviews… can't forget them.. Because I need AT LEAST 5 more to finish the rest of chapter two. Which, btw, is in Sasuke's POV.**

**Gaara: Ooh! The plot thickens! …. Which leads to me asking, whats with the summary?**

**Me: Oh. That. (scratches head) yeah… that might actually, y'know, happen! But, unfortunately, if I don't get more reviews…. It will NEVER happen.**

**Gaara: Wow. You are really review-obsessed. **

**Me: Yeah. I saw this story that, in my opinion, wasn't all that great, yet had more reviews and less words.**

**Gaara: (Le gasp!)**

**Me: exactly. So… I wanna be on top!  
Gaara: - - **

**Me: uh… lemme rephrase that!**

_MORAL OF THE STORY:_

_Review!_

Hime means princess in Japanese… I think.


	3. Two: Sasukevision

Derailed –Ch. 2

By A Robbed Heart (Who, until she gets her allowance, cannot possibly even buy a Naruto manga, much less own it.)

Dedicated to Ice Cream, Aka Laura Aka Fallen flame Aka my other self.

And Victoria, who, although is at camp evil, I will send this to her via snail mail, cause she's cool like that, yo.

**Note, this was written in June, also known as the time when I began to type this chapter. How sad.**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sasuke was screwed.

He stared down at the Hyuuga heirs' unconscious body.

Yes, quite screwed.

No one in the Ramen Bar moved, it seemed that no one could quite figure out what to do with Hinata's body. Hell, even Naruto was speechless.

That's bad.

Really bad.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After some time, a silent conclusion was made.

Drink more alcohol.

Sake was passed around, no charge; it was a silent pact, of sorts.

Soon more and more people came. Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji arrived in a group. Jiraiya was lured in when he heard of the free liquor.

All the while, Hinata's unconscious body was propped up on a random barstool. As time passed, people put a party hat on her head and a sake bottle in her hand.

Everyone thought it was hysterical, especially Sakura. (Giggle. Giggle. Snort. Giggle. Giggle. Snort.)

But, when the hilarity passed, they all soon went into a deep, drunken thought.

"_What to do with Hinata?"_

Naruto suggested that they leave her in the ramen bar, "A dream come true" in his opinion.

Jiraya wanted to take her home with him.

Everyone shook their heads in a universal, "Hell no."

Sasuke finally asked, "Who's gonna take her?"

He was slightly surprised when all eyes suddenly shifter expectantly towards him.

'_Oh, hell no.'_ "I am not taking her. No way." He insisted

"Sasuke-kun, it's only fair. You were the one that caused her to faint." Sakura reminded.

Sai nodded in agreement, and took the liberty of painting a little diagram to accompany Sakura's statement.

**Sasuke Sake Drunk. **

**Drunk Hinata Kiss. **

**Hinata Kiss Faint. **

**Faint Take Home.**

Everyone clapped at his brilliant stick figures.

"Besides," Kakashi lazily stated, "If you don't Jiraya will…" He then ushered at the drunken pervert, who was currently hitting on a very disturbed Iruka.

Everyone paled and shuddered at the thought.

Needless to say, Jiraiya was quite offended.

Sparks of evil-ness lit in everyone's eyes, as they maliciously turned toward Sasuke. In a universal voice, they threatened, "If you don't, those fangirls of yours will be quite pleased with all of the possessions you hold dear to your heart."

Sasuke turned a lovely pale-as-snow-when-you-bleach-it-whiter color, and shakily agreed to the terms that The Delightful Children From Down The Lane set.

Even Mighty Avengers get scared sometime, Okay?

After he agreed, they gave him Hinata. Well, "gave" isn't the proper way to describe it; "thrust rudely into his arms" is more like it. During that time, the sake bottle dropped from her hands, and fell harshly to the ground. The sound of glass hitting pavement and shattering startled everyone into sobrerity,

Except for Sasuke.

He didn't pay attention at all, he was too busy hastily throwing the fragile girl's unconscious body over his shoulder, and running in the direction of his home.

…

…

…

Kakashi was the first one to speak.

"Was that really a good idea?"

There was a massive need for even more alcohol.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As Sasuke darted from tree to tree, he attempted to think of his excuse to Hinata about the kiss they shared. He glanced at her, and thought of her reaction. The excuse would be dramatically affected by her reaction.

If she screamed, he would strap her to a chair, calmly explain the situation, and then threaten her.

If she fainted, he would strap her to a chair, wait until she woke up, make sure she didn't faint again, calmly explain the situation, then threaten her.

As Sasuke was thinking, Hinata shifted on Sasuke's shoulder, and mumbled, "Momma".

Sasuke froze for a moment, silently freaking out. It was too soon! He hadn't made a full game plan yet!

But after a couple minutes, nothing happened. Sasuke, (Who was holding his breathe) exhaled, relieved. He continued his journey to his home, all the while thinking of his situation. Unfortunately for Sasuke, he reached his destination.

Sasuke stood at the street leading to the Uchiha compound, glaring. He hated his home, it felt of death, suffering, and… and…

Itachi.

It reminded Sasuke of Itachi, what Itachi did to Sasuke's family, to his happiness?

Even after death, Itachi still haunted him, and Sasuke wanted nothing to do with anything Itachi touched, let alone _live_ in.

But here he was, the sole member of the once great Uchiha clan standing in front of the place where his entire family was wiped out.

Oh how he _loathed_ living in the cursed home. Nonetheless, he opened the door and walked in.

Sasuke was about to take off his jacket, bit then he realized that the Hyuuga princess was still unconscious on his shoulder.

'_God, she's so light, I forgot that she was there'._ Sasuke thought to himself.

Yes she was light, but what to do with her? Sasuke sure as hell couldn't drop her on the ground! She would wake up!

He'd have to put (dump) her body somewhere… soft. Unfortunately, almost every surface had two feet of dust covering it. They said the princess was also hypoallergenic.

There was only one option left.

His bed.

Sasuke sighed to himself. Yes, the bed would have to do. Contrary to popular belief, no woman before Hinata had ever been in his bed.

Ever.

Congrats Hinata! (Too bad she's unconscious, I'm sure she would have been overjoyed.)

'_Your bed should be shared with the one you wish to spend the rest of your life with._' Sasuke quoted Sakura as he put Hinata softly down on his bed.

"Whatever." Sasuke said to himself, " That kind of girly stuff doesn't matter to me."

Apparently the alcohol did have an affect on Sasuke, because he forgot that HE needed to sleep as well. Once again, the only option was his bed, because: Uchihas **DO NOT** sleep on the floor.

Sasuke glanced at the Hyuuga, currently sprawled out on his bed. Her long hair was in disarray, and her once neat clothes wrinkled, probably from being thrown over his shoulder and carried at top speed. Meh, it couldn't be helped how the weakling looked. He was NOT going to brush her hair and iron her clothes. Nope.

He was just going to share a bed with her.

Yes, this bed. The black one. Right in front of him.

No pressure. Just a girl. In his bed. He was going to sleep next to her.

Now, I wasn't going to say that Uchiha Sasuke was nervous; he was just:

"_Uncomfortable sharing a pillow with a member of the opposite gender."_

So all he did for about… ten minutes was stare at the unconscious girl, then, during a brief bout of courage, went in for the kill.

He lay down on his bed, crude attempts at thoughts of his predicament raced through his head as the looked at the dull ceiling. After a while, he came to a conclusion, he couldn't think. Sasuke rose, frustrated, from the bed, and was about to get off, but…

Hinata suddenly sighed happily and draped her small arm around Sasuke's chest, and nestled her head against his arm.

Surprisingly, it felt… nice. The body heat of another felt good against Sasuke. He was accustomed to lonely nights in an empty manor, the only living things inhabiting the large estate were Sasuke and a large family of rats. During cold nights, (the manor was built long ago, before central heating was created.) He was accustomed to piling blanket upon blanket, in an attempt to warm him. It never worked; it only brought back memories of when he was a child, and cold during harsh winter nights.

INCOMING FLASHBACK… XXXXXXX

"_Tap tap"_

'_Tap tap"_

_The quiet knocking was barely distinguishable to any normal person, but to a shinobi, who was prepared at all times, even when sleeping, it was loud. All times include two in the morning for Fugaku and Mitoko Uchiha. Fugaku only groaned and clamped his pillow over his head in a protective manner. Mitoko, meanwhile, realized what the careful knocking represented, and to Fugaku's dismay, hopped out of bed and scurried to the door, throwing it open._

_There stood a four-year-old Sasuke, in footie pajamas with a tomato print. He shivered and promptly threw his small arms around his mothers' legs, and whispered, "Momma, it's so cold an' lonely."_

_Mitoko smiled gently at her youngest son, and bent down to his level. She looked deep into his eyes and calmly inquired, "Would you like to sleep with Mommy and Daddy tonight?"_

_Sasuke nodded slowly, following his mother as she returned to her bed. But before he could crawl in, Fugaku growled through his pillow, "Mitoko, don't let him in this bed. He'll become weak, useless, and a momma's boy."_

_Sasuke whimpered, and clutched his mother's hand as she scoffed and replied," For God's sake, he's only four! Stop your great ninja nonsense for a day, you baka!"_

_Fugaku shrank slightly under his pillow, already defeated, but Mitoko continued with a glare and in a menacing tone, added," And what, may I ask, is wrong with a Momma's boy?"_

_Fugaku, by this time, had admitted total and complete defeat, "C'mon in here, Sasuke." He sighed as he threw his bed covers over, and motioned towards his young son._

_Sasuke smiled and scrambled onto the large bed. He crawled over the large fluffy blanket and eased himself between his two parents. It was so warm, the heat from the two of them. It made Sasuke feel safe and comfortable. The toddler fell asleep smiling._

XXXXXXX

"The warmth, the warmth" Sasuke mused to himself as he slowly drifted off to sleep, "so comforting…"

Oo0Oo0O

Sasuke yawned, his eyes slowly opening. He blinked, surprised. It was the first… the first time that he had had a pleasant dream in ages. His mother was featured in his dream, _not_ Itachi. Sasuke smiled to himself, recalling the happiness of having his dear mother hug him, and tell him that she loved him. It was the framework for a great day. Unfortunately, within moments of waking, he felt as if thousands of blacksmiths were hammering furiously on top of his skull.

Synopsis: Hangover migraine.

…Okay, maybe not the frameworks for such a great day.

What amount of alcohol did he _have_ last night? Kami, last night…

Last night!

Memories of the evening prior flooded into his mind. _Gay, Hinata. Kiss. KISS. __**HINATA!**_

Sasuke quickly turned to check his bed. He found the Hyuuga Heiress sleeping soundly and peacefully. The realization that there was a woman in his house, in his bed, made him finally identify the position he slept in. With horror, he identified that Hinata's head was resting on Sasuke's shoulder; his arms were draped over her waist, and… ugh. They were … hugging … in a sense. It was sickening.

Even worse than that, '_it felt comfortable' _the Avenger groggily admitted to himself.

Despite the position he was in, there were more pressing matters, mainly the current genocide of Sasuke's brain cells, via the side effects of the sake he drank. He needed some meds. Now.

xXxXxXxXxXx

Normally, Uchihas don't get hangovers, but on the rare occasion that they do, their ancestors had already created a remedy. The remedy was holy; the remedy was great. The remedy had a "few" side effects, but that didn't matter. He needed them too much to care.

Sasuke feebly attempted to move his body from Hinata's by lifting his arm to remove it from her waist. Unfortunately, all that succeeded to do was to make Hinata nuzzle into the crook of Sasuke's neck. He let out an uncontrolled moan. Damn. He needed to get away from her.

In a slightly awkward motion, he was able to remove himself from Hinata and spring out of bed. It seemed that that move was quite difficult, and draining to execute, because all Sasuke did for the duration of five minutes was walk around like a zombie-like trance. Finally, he snapped out of his daze and made a beeline for his bathroom, where he promptly threw open his medicine cabinet, and grabbed the holy remedy.

Sasuke was too cool and too tired to read the warning, which, under further inspection, cautioned that if the medicine was consumed a long period of time after it was produced, the side effects would increase tenfold.

Of course, Sasuke didn't even glance at the warning on the thirteen year-old bottle of pills. He just shoved three of the round capsules in his mouth.

Almost instantly, he felt the drilling ease up, but not soon enough, in his opinion. After a moment's thought, he reached the conclusion that a nice, relaxing shower would be perfect.


End file.
